We Made It!

When our kids were small--

even not so small but still at home with us, we had very little money.

Life was good and we were rich in many ways, but we didn't have the cash to do the kind of things I saw other families doing.

While I knew--rationally--that we were poor by choice, I still wondered if I had made a mistake staying home and trading household comforts and worldly experiences for my need to be ever-present in my children's lives.

Now that I do work and our children are completely launched, we have the power to investigate and explore that other world, and little by little we do.

One fantasy I used to harbor was to take the kids to Disneyland and stay at the Disneyland hotel.

Last week, with my fist full of newly minted options, I grabbed my husband and my grandson, along with a couple of suitcases and peeked into that other world. Only instead of staying at the old hotel, we stayed at new Grand Californian Hotel | Disneyland Resort which was designed after Yosemite's Ahwahnee.

Our excuse for going was Noah's 7th birthday. Noah is often the beneficiary/victim of my parenting do-overs.

I have been watching over his aging in the way I might a cake... is he ready yet? Is it time to take him out yet?

I was looking for evidence of enough maturity to cope with the pressure of being in the "Happiest Place on Earth" but youth enough to still believe in the magic.

But when his cousin Ben got to go to Disneyland for his seventh birthday, I stopped checking for signs and set my sights on making the magic happen.

And so I am left with the uncomfortable admission that my husband was right... we probably should have waited a little longer. Noah was unprepared for the "magical" transformation of his grandparents.

Typically we act like we have all the time in the world.... always ready for a bike ride, game of cards, building spree with Legos, reading--all manner of leisurely pleasures. He is--after all--one of our favorite free-time activities.

But this was a VERY expensive adventure, and we all know that time is money, right? Every minute wasted on the desire to stay in the hotel, swim in the pool, read a story or play with Legos was time off the clock of our Disneyland fantasy, and we were having NONE of it!

Yes, it was his birthday present--but it also intersected with my need to re-do his father's childhood and give Noah what I wasn't able to give Matt.

The child was in trouble; Happy Birthday?

I wish I had a supercalifragilisticexpialidocious

ending to share... and I maybe I will after more processing. We all left with a collection of good memories to balance out the not-so-good.

Already, the ratio of good to un-good is improving; Mark & I have been chuckling over both sets all week as we slowly look back with the benefit of sleep and hindsight.

Hopefully the ratio continues to reform itself; I'm not sure I have enough years left to have a grand-parenting re-do.

What Makes me Tick

Here it is; a digital image of the thing that propels me forward and gives me focus and drive...undoubtedly the reason I chose to teach after my real job, as mom, timed out. But what part of this image is it that I find so compelling, so dear?

• Is it the child himself-- Noah, the individual?
• Is it because this child still believes in magic, and through him, so can I?
• Or is it the pure transience of the moment, my desire to capture the fire fly while it still burns?

Whatever the reason, I can tell you that one quick glance at this vignette sent me running for the camera-- to capture it & to savor it as a souvenir-- a keepsake to treasure close to my heart.

Thinkin' of My Folks

I confess to a deep pridefulness. While I know that pride goes before the fall, I am not ashamed of this pridefulness because it really has nothing to do with me, none of my doing, pure quirk of fate.

I am proud of my mom and dad.

Here they are caught doing what I love most about them: a combination of teaching and doing. My parents are all about getting up and doing, creating really.

They are also all about sharing the fruits of their labor.

And as their daughter, I have benefitted from their life-long giving... not just me, but all those connected to me; they live to share.

Here they are sharing their expertise with their great-grandson

When it comes to woodwork, my dad has the role of creating it, and my mom has the role of making sure it meets all the necessary specs. They make a pretty good team: she has the "eye" and he has the skill.

While riding, I caught this self-portrait and thought it was a perfect representation of how I feel at my new school, the lone rider. I've grown used to being with my teaching buddy: walking & sitting with her during inservice days, going out to lunch, and dashing into her room whenever I have something to share or ask. But this year I'm riding solo. I confess to an intense sense of isolation and of being "the other." There is a bright side to my situation that I intend to force to the front of my conscience however, and that is the freedom of solitude... I behave less like a pack animal when I feel out of the mainstream. My goal this year is to seek less help and tap into more of the knowledge I have acquired through research and experience. Cross your fingers for me; I'm heading into uncharted territory!

road trip

It's the end of summer and my next chance to get away seems a long ways off, but it remains -as always- the light at the end of my tunnel

Fabrics are the Stuff of Dreams

My first intention was to spend the day at the park Chapultepec and visit the museum of anthropolgy there, but my stomach lead me to lunch, and I never returned to finish the other 9/10s of the museum! Instead, I discovered a couple of things that were not even on my todo list.

1) An elegant place to eat--Check out the women's bathroom at Elago (the restaurant at the lake)... it has to be the most elegant place I have ever eaten (not the bathroom, but the restaurant proper).

2) Paradise--By the time we finished lunch though (over two hours of style, grace and flavor) it was raining heavily and we decided to take a taxi back to the hotel where we ventured out across the street to discover a REAL fabric store!

The Thing about the Elevators (ascensors)

They are really--REALLY--scary!

The bottom picture shows the century old mechinery that allows the elevator to transport us up and down the hill... very beautiful, but still pretty old gears to be relying on for our safety! The top picture shows the tracks they ride on. The clickity-clack sounds coming from the ride reminded me of the wooden roller coaster on the boardwalk in Santa Cruise. --sooo hard to hold a conversation with August AND hold my breath...